Not to sound so nihilistic (although this overtone does seem hard to avoid at this point), but what does it matter anyway? I know that most people out there on the internet and even most of the people (if any) that actually take the time to sit down and read this don't actually care at all about what I have to say. And just to point it out (because now seems like a better time than ever I suppose), I have gathered from a specific comment regarding my first post that not only do some people just not care what I have to say, they downright despise it to the point where they feel I have corrupted their daughter. Sorry Mrs. Eickholt but it is hard for me to have sympathy for you and your concern that Kirstie and I are going to hell when I don't even believe in 'Hell' in the first place. Anyways, the funny thing about it is, I also don't care what anyone thinks about any of this. I guess that is why I have not written anything on here in so long. I was sitting around waiting for something witty, profound, or at least substantial enough to pop into my head before just typing up some senseless blurb as I have done in the past...
exhibit A: The last thing I wrote on my old blog, Metaphorical Muse, before deciding to kill it;
"So, weird. lately ive been really worried about time. everything, lists. i feel that if i make lists-maybe then i will do alll the things on them and i can scratch them off one at a -time-. how can i maximize my -time-? minimize? what is the wisest way to spend it-ration it off? crazy time
met these kids name darwin, and dan the man. keep running into them. weird how that happens. same thing happens with words. i hear a word for the first time and then within a week i hear it atleast 8 more times--thinking, why did i never hear this word before? is there a fashionable use of words? now we're thinking about language. probably a good pace to end-what else could be said?"
What the fuck, right?
Anyways, where was I...oh yes-waiting. Waiting for something worth posting. Until just now when I came to the overwhelming realization that I could give a rat's ass. (I don't know exactly what that means, my mom used to say it all the time. I think you can catch my drift though.) I don't even know who it was I was trying to impress. So now I have this brand new, quite liberating intention for this whole blog thing. I've decided that blogs can be likened to a tattoo. I love tattoos. Some people hate tattoos. Either way, it doesn't really matter. You don't (or at least you probably shouldn't) get a tattoo to please someone else, unless you are stupid enough to put your current love interest's name on your body permanently. On the contrary, you get a tattoo because you want it. It is a unique creation, completely individualized. It is a personal creative outlet for self expression and it should never matter what other people think about it. This is precisely how I now view blogging, my blog in particular. It is a creative outlet that allows me to collect my thoughts in a unique and personal way and if you don't like it then don't read it, or leave a comment saying you don't like it because as I have already postulated, I could give a fuck. Viewing it in this new light no longer sounds so nihilistic, instead it is quite liberating.
However, taking this perspective still does not make it any easier to always write positive and uplifting things. Collecting your thoughts in this manner can prove to be mentally draining, and often leads me to a downward spiral of negativity and criticism. Collecting your thoughts in general is typically a hard thing to do. At times it is almost like herding cats. Your mind can be so displaced that it will fight off any attempt you make at reigning it back in. Creating a positive collection of thoughts is especially hard when your world is full of "pompous retard ass-dicks" (Thanks Jack). We often allow the tentacles of our mind to run a muck in search of meaning, attempting to posit meaningfulness to anything that swings our way.
So the goal now is to write love not hate. It is for your own good, I think. The easiest way to do this is to just list things you love, or use the word 'lovely' excessively. But these means of writing love are empty and meaningless (and hokey). You have to find love in life, positivity in simplicity, and meaning in the mundane. The heart of life lies not in the anger but in the love and connection we have with each other and with everything around us. The daily life we manifest for ourselves is a microcosm of the infinite and ever expanding macrocosm we are immersed in. Thinking this way about things will put everything into a more positive and liberating perspective. This is exactly how I will attempt to collect my thoughts from now on- from the standpoint of floating in the middle of the ocean. There you begin to realize how petty and insignificant your problems are.
So quick recap for those of you that just skimmed through this, consider this your sparknotes version:
1. Some people suck
2. Who cares
3. Mrs. Eickholt, you can suck it-but thanks for the concern
4. Collecting thoughts is hard
5. Sometimes being positive is hard
6. We are all small in the ocean
